Just as the 14 European women vying for the affections of presumed millionaire David Smith on FOX's "Joe Millionaire" are oblivious to the charade they're being made a party to, the network itself ignored the crushingly disappointing ratings of last week's premiere to bring us smug American viewers a second episode Monday (Oct. 27) night.

Actually, the network does acknowledge that not quite as many people as they were expecting caught episode one, as the first five minutes are spent showing the extended trailer of the weeks to come and recapping what transpired last time. Butler Paul caps things off with his "Masterpiece Theatre" intro where he calls the first meeting between Paul and the women "a bit dodgy" and teases the fact that after tonight's "ball" three will be sent home -- a turn of events of which the fair femmes are not aware.

For his part, David returns from his gallop up to the palazzo a bit tongue-tied. He jokes, we think, about feeling like he was at Hugh Hefner's Playboy mansion and liking Lina's sunglasses. Karolina tries to remember what his horse's name was (answer: Hurricane), Petra calls David's entrance "exciting" and Linda likes his teeth. Insert your own looking a gift horse in the mouth joke here.

Fast forward to two hours before the ball as the not-so-blushing belles prepare to dazzle David with their charms. Unlike the first edition when the women were forced to fight over dresses, it appears the women were responsible for their own gowns this time around. A wise choice and one that gives credence to the argument that European women are naturally more stylish than Americans. Not one of them looks like she is an ugly orange wrist corsage away from the junior prom.

This doesn't mean they aren't catty. There may only be 14 women, but there are at least 28 faces and they're all telling each other one thing and the cameras something else. No one's color preference or nipples are safe.

In a streak of mean spiritedness, David's individual introductions are set up so that Olina, Linda and Lina are loaded at the front. Olinda's nerves manage to hide her bitchiness and Linda's natural poise serves her well. Lina, on the other hand, strikes David as a gold digger from the get go and her attempt at saying "Howdy cowboy" sounds like the come on of a foreign prostitute who doesn't quite grasp the words some pimp wrote out for her on a piece of paper. She thinks it's supposed to be sexy, but isn't quite sure.

Lina is also a bit unsure about this whole "cowboy" thing in general. She tells Linda that she got scared when David talked about being surrounded by cows and horses in Texas. Lina's inner monologue goes something like this: "No Starbucks? No shopping?"

Native Italian girl Alessia proves to be quite the pistol and almost as obsessed with Hurricane as David was last week, seeing as how she mentions the horse at least five times. She also calls David her future husband and will fast become either the life of the party or the nut job that needs to be cut ASAP.

Not that David is suave by any stretch of the imagination. Upon meeting Petra he brushes off the bit about Holland being where people wear wooden shoes, causing Paul to lift an eyebrow. He "knew Czech chicks were hot from TV" and after slaughtering several languages teaches his captive audience the classic Texas toast "Get wasted." Then, when asked about Hurricane makes up an implausible story about flying him over from Texas because "it never occurred to me that I could have gotten a horse in Italy."

Man, we're really hoping someone tells him that the Chinese, not the Italians, invented pasta in the next couple of weeks. We really want to see his head explode.

To their credit, the women look dubious about this farfetched fabrication, but not enough to press the issue ... yet.

Perhaps in an effort to save something for the second "brand new" episode airing tomorrow night, not much else happens other than the giving out of pearl necklaces to 11 of the women. Johanna, Yassamin and Jerusha are cut and each handles it in her own philosophical way:

"I couldn't imagine sitting on a ranch surrounded by cows. That is like super boring. And super not me. And super ... I don't know," Johanna huffs.

"Whatever, you know? It's like I had a feeling, you know? When Samantha came to us and said 'Three of you have to leave.' One is going to be me. You know, I'll keep going. Whatever," Yassamin tearfully opines.

"Some things are meant to be. Some things aren't meant to be. And obviously David and I weren't meant to be," laughs Jerusha.